We know that the best way to change hearts and minds is to have open and honest conversations with people who know and love us, and remind them of the values we share. This is also true when talking about abortion. So why is it so hard for some people to talk about abortion? Abortion stigma.
Abortion stigma is the shame and silence that surrounds abortion. Stigma is the result of decades of public rhetoric that labels abortion “bad.” It shuts down conversations and makes people feel like they cannot share their experiences without being judged. We, however, want to make sure that the way we speak about abortion promotes acceptance and normalization of this necessary health care that all people should be able to access. By talking with our loved ones about abortion, we can chang e the narrative and reassure people that abortion is essential health care.
Here are some tips for talking about abortion: we'll go over preparing your "why", facts and talking points to use in conversation, conversation starters, and language to use (and avoid).
To fight back against institutions that are chipping away at abortion rights, we need to center those who are affected: all people who can get pregnant, those with low-incomes, and people for whom structural racism has created longstanding barriers to abortion access, such as Black, Indigenous, and Latinx people. Most likely, the reason you want to have these conversations about abortion is because of your own story. Maybe you’ve had an abortion or supported someone else through one. Maybe you’ve been a clinic escort or have experienced a pregnancy scare. If you’re planning to tell your story or share the reasons you support abortion access, here are some ways to prepare:
To fight back against institutions banning abortion, it’s important to lift up the voices of the people most affected — particularly people with low incomes and communities for whom structural racism has created longstanding barriers to abortion access, such as Black, Indigenous, and Latino people. Most likely, the reason you want to have these conversations about abortion is because of your own experiences. Maybe you’ve had an abortion or supported someone else through one. Maybe you’ve been a clinic escort or have experienced a pregnancy scare. Maybe you just want the ability to decide if or when you want to be a parent without any say from the government.
Here are some resources we recommend:
We can change hearts and minds by speaking with people we know and trust. Here are a few different groups to consider speaking with about abortion:
Be strategic in your timing as you plan these conversations. Rather than just reaching out randomly, create a plan for yourself.
There are many different avenues to have these conversations with our loved ones. There is no guarantee that one conversation will change anyone’s mind, but it’s a good idea to normalize the topic of abortion for people. Your conversations can happen via text, over the phone, in person, direct messaging, over social media, or wherever you think the person will be most receptive.
“Hi ___, did you know that abortion is fully banned in about a dozen states? That means people who need an abortion in those states are forced to travel hundreds of miles to access basic health care. But not everyone has the money, time to take off work, child care, or transportation to do that.
“____, I really care about access to safe, legal abortion, and I'm really scared now that states can ban abortion, and many are. Can we talk about it?”
“Hey, ___, I had an abortion. In my experience [insert story], but now I’m afraid that we won’t be able to access this essential health care for much longer.”
“___, I'm really worried about the future of abortion access. I have loved ones who have had abortions, and there are so many other people who
depend on this essential care. People like [abortion story] and me, will be affected by this. Can we talk about it?
Really listen to what they're saying. Don’t make assumptions or judgments on the person’s beliefs. Try to understand their point of view. Ask them questions like: “Tell me more about that” or “How does that make you feel?”
Find common ground with your shared values. How people feel about abortion is based on their values and their experiences with pregnancy, parenting, and planning their future.
Be clear about how you feel and what you want by using “I statements” and leaning into your own experience.
Agree to disagree. This doesn’t mean you agree with their perspective. You’re just protecting yourself by choosing which battles to fight.
Be proud of yourself for starting this conversation. It takes real courage. Each time you overcome your nervousness and do it, you’ll build your skills and confidence.
Always return the conversation to the real people involved — that's why your story matters so much. People value personal freedom and having control to make their own decisions for themselves. Abortion is a personal decision.
Being vulnerable builds trust with the person you are speaking to. Open up to them about why you support abortion, whether you’ve had one, supported someone through one, are a clinic escort, or believe access to abortion under any circumstance is important. Let them know why. Allowing yourself to open up allows genuine and honest conversation to flow. And, people will listen to their loved ones, even if their opinion is not swayed much or right away.
Don’t frame abortion as just a women's issue: this doesn't represent the trans, nonbinary and gender nonconforming people who can get pregnant. And everyone, regardless of gender, is harmed by abortion bans.
Don’t talk about abortion as “tragic” or a “hard decision.” That is not true for everyone and further stigmatizes abortion. Abortion is always a personal decision.